A Man's Regrets - Rewrite
by SuperKitty12340
Summary: Haymitch, even now regrets not having the proper strength. He hates himself, for not being able to die in a world where hope isn't alive. He misses her, Hope. His Hope Potter.


The first look he got of her was during the parade in front of the Capitol, she stood close to her male counterpart, dressed in a ridiculous outfit. He supposed that the outfit was supposed to highlight her emerald green eyes but instead destroyed the intensity of them entirely. He watched her for longer than he should've, this person that he had suddenly grown affections for was his enemy, his competition; while observing her actions, he noticed that it wasn't her wishing to be close to her male counterpart but rather, the other way around.

He could feel his hands clench as he saw the District One male lean in to whisper in her ear, her eyes shone bright with fear and he knew then what he had to do.

The first day of training came around quickly and he exited the elevator swiftly, finding that every other tribute was already standing there waiting for them. She stood by herself, her hair tied in a high ponytail as she looked down at the ground, submissively. He didn't know why but he could feel a growl clawing its way out of his throat as he stared at the girl he so desperately wanted to know.

They were spoken to first before being sent off to discover what they were best at first, he watched as she immediately went for the punching bag that hung in the corner of the room by itself. She started slowly, getting a feel for the item in front of her, before she began to take her aggression out on it. Her hits came fast and soon kicks were added to the assault. While she was busy, he slowly approached her, as he got closer, he noticed the blood attached to the bag and the pinched look on her face.

"I don't think you're supposed to injure yourself before the interviews." He spoke quietly, standing to the side of her.

She ignored him, hitting the bag with more ferocity than before. He could understand, she didn't want to seem weak in front of a competitor, even one from District Twelve.

"I'm Haymitch." He held out his hand, not perturbed when she didn't immediately shake it. He held it out for a moment longer, watching as she eventually gave in, facing him fully. He gasped when he saw her face up close, it was a thing of beauty. She had little freckles splattered across her button nose, bright green eyes and full, red lips, the only thing marring the image was the bruise around her right eye.

She cringed when she heard his exclamation of surprise, "I'm Hope." She shook his hand briskly before standing defensively, arms crossed with her head facing away from him.

"So, Hope. Can you teach me how to dance with this thing?" He made a vague gesture towards the bag, smiling when a laugh was startled out of her. She looked at him, eyes bright with a smile on her face as she taught him how to punch properly.

The next big thing before the Games were the interviews, a tributes chance to grab the Capitol's attention for some sort of sponsorship. As usual, District One was first with Hope being presented in front of the crowds before anyone else. This time, Haymitch was relieved to see, the green dress brightened her eyes and contrasted well with her snow-white skin. Her black hair was loose and spilled down her back in ringlets.

She was beautiful.

"…Hope Potter!" The crowd cheered loudly as she stepped up on stage, her eyes half closed as she made her way to the current host of the show, who greeted her warmly.

"Welcome Hope, isn't she welcome!?" He questioned the crowd, riling them up as they cheered and clapped for her, "So Hope, tell me, how are you feeling about all this?"

"I'm not quite sure what you mean by that." She tilted her head, blinking in shock when the crowd in front of her awed.

"You seem like a simple person," He watched as she nodded before continuing, "So, I'm asking how you feel about the glamour being a rather simple person yourself."

"I guess I'm used to looking at beauty even though I prefer to keep things rather simple, sometimes I think I was born in the wrong district," The two on stage laughed over this, the host not realising that she was being serious, "In all honest, this glamour is not really different from home. I have to say though, everyone here wears it much better than I ever would." The crowd cheered as she smiled at them.

"And how would you say you feel about the Games at the moment? Do you want to win?"

"I'm happy to represent my district but I'm not all about winning."

"Why ever not?

"Because I feel the experience of enjoying your," Here she gestured towards the crowd, "generosity is the most important moment out of this whole experience."

"And we thank you for that, don't we?!" He stood up, laughing obnoxiously at the crowd who cheered with him.

"I have one final question for you? Is there a special someone that would feel disheartened by your words?"

Haymitch froze where he stood, looking up at the screen that showed Hope and the strange host on it. He wanted her to say something about him, even though it would have to be vague. He wanted her to be proud in saying that she – at least he hoped – was in love with him. He wanted that for her.

They couldn't have that though, and he knew that she knew that when she smiled sadly at the host.

"No, no one at all."

After that, the Games came quickly. He had noticed, while standing on the platforms watching the numbers count down, that it took much longer for her to appear. As soon as the death match started, he couldn't find himself caring much as he ran towards a backpack, launching it over his shoulders as he darted into the forest.

He paused after a while, sitting down on a moss-covered stone. He placed the backpack in front him and unzipped it quickly. He observed the items inside rapidly before zipping the bag up, he stood immediately when he heard steps heading straight towards him.

It was her.

"I hope I wasn't misreading any signals." She smiled at him and held up her hands, there was not a weapon in sight.

"Nope, not at all," He smiled at her, and soon the two of them were making their way through the forest covered mountains. They helped each other, they laughed with each other and they cried as the time to part came closer and closer.

He didn't want that. He wanted to be with her, to marry her, to have kids with her. It was improbable but all dreams were. The next day, there was only three left, him, her and some other girl from another District. They started to walk back to the middle, a place they promised to separate from each other.

"I don't want to do this to you." He confessed that night, they had made steady progress and were over halfway, "I love you."

She blinked at him, a blush forming on her freckle splashed nose, "I love you too," she paused, obviously thinking about her next word choice, "But, I will be killed if I return."

"What?!" He exclaimed. He didn't understand, how anyone would want to kill someone as beautiful as her.

"My family," She spat the word out like it was rotten, "Will kill me. The boy who came with me was my cousin, he was meant to survive… I wasn't."

Haymitch stared at her with disbelief, it wasn't that he didn't believe her. No, he couldn't believe that someone would want to hurt her. During their time together, he had learned new things about her that he appreciated. Things like her laugh, her smile, the smarts that she tries to hide, her jokes, her strength, God he could go on and on.

"When my family came to see me, they laughed. Told me that this was it for me, that I would die and they would finally be rid of me."

He reached over, wrapped his arm around her shoulders and pressed his nose to her hair. It didn't matter what he did now, she would end up dying.

He didn't want her to die.

"You should kill me," She suddenly spoke, turning her head to look at him.

"What?" It slipped out before she could say anymore, his eyes had widened and he pulled away from her.

"Haymitch, wait!" He turned back towards her, his eyes glistened, "You have to understand, you killing me will be a mercy and, in the afterlife, I will always thank you for that gift." She walked up to him, wrapping her arms around his neck, "Please… Kill me."

"Okay, okay…" He rubbed a hand down his face, tears were gone from his eyes but there was still a deep emotion set within his eyes that made Hope's heart ache. He reached down, grabbing his bag before pulling a knife out.

Hope took a deep breath, the fear of death lingered within her and made everything feel fuzzy but she knew it would have to be this way, it was the only way she could die without suffering. She felt the knife against her chest, and opened her eyes to find Haymitch staring at her.

"I can't… Not without showing you how much I love you first."

He kissed her to start off with, slowly pushing her down to the forest floor. His strong hands held her hips, lightly caressing her covered body before slipping his fingers under her shirt. The feeling of his cold hands made her gasp into his mouth at which point he slowly put his tongue onto hers.

What happened next was never shown to the capitol, it was a private moment between two lovers who could never be together.

While she was sleeping by his side, Haymitch stabbed Hope in the chest whispering under his breath about how much he loved her. He fulfilled her request and killed her quickly and in the most merciful way he could.

"I love you…"

Years later, he watched as both Katniss and Peeta left the Hunger Games and regretted that he did not think of his own death, he regretted living after he killed Hope, most of all he regretted not being able to save her.

His Hope.

His Hope Potter.


End file.
